Are We Promoting the Wrong Person?

What’s the job you’ve wished for the most?  In our younger days we might have said, “professional athlete” or “movie star” but now, as a parent with kids approaching their young adult years, the job I wish for more than any other is the one my kids want for themselves.  And I’ll bet if you’re a parent you share those same desires.

This past year our oldest daughter, Madeline, was vying for a competitive internship that many students hope to land when she reached out to me as said, “So many students in the running for this internship are more experienced and more connected than I.  My one shot is to interview better than the rest.  How can I do that?”

Responding like any doting parent I replied, “Oh, Madeline, you underestimate yourself.  Of course they’ll hire you!”

Sighing and rolling her eyes as only teenagers can she said, “C’mon, Dad, that’s what every parent says and you’re not the one making the hiring decision.  Do you have any solid guidance?  What should I talk about in the interview?”

What advice would you offer?  Reflecting back to my college years I recall career counselors coaching us on how to dress appropriately, how to jazz up our resumes, how to respond to questions such as, “What’s your greatest weakness?”, even how to speak about how much we’d grown after all that academic rigor (ha!).  In short, these counselors groomed us to look and sound impressive.  Did it work?

Three decades later I now do a lot more job hiring than job seeking and I struggle to pinpoint one hire I’ve made because the candidate wore the nicest tie or dazzled me with their straight A’s.  Trying to boil all that interview experience into one morsel of guidance for the job that I wanted the most, Madeline’s internship, I blurted out, “Don’t talk about you, talk about them.”

“What do you mean, Dad?” asked Madeline.  “They’re not the one being interviewed, I am.”

“I know,” I replied, “but try that approach.  See if you can get the interviewer to do most of the talking, especially stories about their own journey and their advice for someone like you who wants to follow in their footsteps.”

The next day, Madeline marched into the hiring manager’s office (dressed nicely, of course.  You still gotta cover the basics) armed with two questions.  After greeting the hiring manager and exchanging a few pleasantries Madeline asked question #1: “So, Mrs. X, how did you end up in this role?”

To hear Madeline describe it, the interviewer jolted up in her chair and replied, “Wow!  No one’s asked me that before but that’s a funny story…”  And Mrs. X went on to share a story that Madeline described as “so cool” and had both of them laughing.  Madeline then asked question #2: “Mrs. X, I really want this job and I know it’s a competitive field.  What advice can you offer on how I can earn the position?”  Again, Mrs. X brightened and offered Madeline helpful tips on how to follow up and who else to contact.

After the interview Madeline called me.  “Well, Dad, I have no idea if I got the job.  In fact, we hardly spoke about my experience or my application.  But Mrs. X is such an interesting and helpful person!  Even if I don’t get the job I feel like we’re friends and I hope to stay in touch with her.”

I share this story with you because Madeline discovered a secret that, in my (ahem – 50 year old luddite) opinion has been more forgotten in today’s social media era than in any period prior:  To earn success, focus on being interested, not interesting.  Not only when I interview job candidates but when I scroll through company websites, solicitation emails, LinkedIn posts, pitch decks, marketing proposals, trade show booths, etc. (Don’t even get me started on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok) I see desperation.  I can almost hear so many of us screaming, “Look at me!  Aren’t I so cool?  So beautiful?  So happy?  So smart?  So successful?  Please like me.  Follow me.  Want to be me.”

Friends, I write this with respect: When you and I fall prey to that approach we shoot ourselves in the foot.  Perhaps even more off-putting than the “check out my awesomeness” tactic is the time we narcissistically invest planning and staging it.  Tracking every minute, selfie camera and keyboard in hand, constantly asking ourselves, “Where’s the next opportunity to showcase my amazing success?” is time we lose thinking about how we can appreciate and serve others.  If there’s one truth about human nature it’s that we already spend the majority of our time thinking about ourselves, and modern day self-promotion tools only exacerbate that me-first thinking.

Believe me, neither the recruiter, your employer, your customers, your true friends, nor your top prospects are lying awake at night wishing you spent more time promoting yourself.  If anything, they might be asking, “Am I heard?  Do you know what’s important to me?  Can you help me solve my problems?” 

I once heard that the late, great Dale Carnegie was asked during a radio interview, “Mr. Carnegie, You came up with twenty one guiding principals on how to live a successful, fulfilling life.  If you were to instill only one of those principals in your fellow man, which would you choose?”

Without hesitation Carnegie responded, “Principal number four: Become genuinely interested in other people.  If we can live by that principal alone, all the others take care of themselves.”

Notice Carnegie did not write, “Become genuinely interesting to other people.”  In none of Carnegie’s writings will you find instructions on how to sound like the smartest person or tell the funniest jokes or flaunt the greatest riches.  Instead, he guides his readers through the same formula that Madeline used in her interview:  Ask good questions, listen with genuine interest, and build a personal bond with your fellow human being.

Imagine if instead of expending all that energy promoting ourselves, i.e. trying to make ourselves interesting, we invested that effort into becoming genuinely interested in others?  For example…

Trying to be interesting…Being genuinely interested…
Announcing that we just won an awardSubmitting an award nomination on behalf of our top customer or most impactful mentor
Posting Thank You’s on social media to an event we attended, a ceremony where we were recognized, etc.Calling those event planners or sponsors and asking them, “What are your goals?  How can I help you reach them?”
TalkingListening
Peddling our latest offeringPolling customers on how we can better serve them
Telling an employer why they should hire usAsking an employer what kind of person they want to hire and why

Granted, I understand there are times we need to advocate for ourselves or challenge someone’s worldviews and times we need to update an audience on our latest news but can we agree both we as individuals and we as organizations are guilty of skewing heavily to the “let’s talk about me” side at the cost of the “let’s learn about you” side? 

How well do you really know your customers?  Your vendors?  Heck, if like me you have ever-morphing teenagers how well do you even know your own family?  At the end of the day it boils down to this: We don’t want to read about you celebrating you, we want to read about others celebrating you.  And when we give selflessly to our communities, families, friends, and customers, even a fraction of the publicity they generate on your behalf goes longer than all the self serving materials you could post in a lifetime.

I’m not suggesting we dial back our self interest to the level of Mother Teresa but what if during your next family dinner, customer meeting, or networking event you asked a few more questions and listened more carefully for areas where you can help the other person reach their goals?  Or if before your next presentation you asked the audience for a bit more feedback on what they wanted to learn?  Just as Madeline discovered in her job interview, shifting our pregame prep from, “How can I get them interested in me?” to, “How can I express my genuine interest in them?” will elevate your partnerships, friendships, and your success to levels modern day self-promotion tools are ill equipped to do.

Oh, and as for that job that I wanted most, Madeline’s internship, did she land it?  Let’s put it this way..  Both her doting dad (by luck) and Dale Carnegie (by objective expertise) were right again 😊

Another Failed New Year’s Resolution? Not This Time.

When’s the last time you voluntarily put yourself in an awkward, rookie position that made you feel incapable?  If you’re over the age of twenty, I’ll bet that you, like most of us grown-ups, rarely find yourself in such a position.  When we’re young, it’s inescapable and we do it all the time.  From learning to walk to learning to ride a bike to the first time you asked someone on a date, these first time moments are such a routine part of a young person’s life that we bound from one comfort zone-expanding activity to the next with little trepidation.  By the time we’ve reached adulthood, however, life settles into a much more predictable pattern.  What a shame.

Granted, as adults the stakes are higher.  We cannot afford daredevil stunts that put our careers or families at risk.  But oh my, how risk averse we become!  Outside of required changes related to starting a new job or adjusting lifestyle to accommodate family, we rarely seek new experiences just for the hell of it.  When we’re young, on the other hand, no one demands us learn to ride a bike before we can pass the fifth grade or get a promotion.  Rather, we figured it out simply because it looked fun. 

As adults, we still learn new things – how to hook up a printer or write a computer code or calculate retirement savings – but they’re necessary (and boring) skills that life requires.  Even our hobbies, it seems, are usually rooted in fundamentals we picked up as youngsters.  In my case, I enjoy running and cycling but they’re continuations of my childhood skillset.  Ask me to walk a tightrope or do a back handspring and I’ll run for the hills.  Not only do I have zero ability but I also lack any desire to figure it out.  Yet challenged with those acrobatics as a kid I’d likely have given them a shot.

As we head into a New Year and set another round of resolutions, can I challenge you to set a resolution that’s childlike?  What would your ten year old self want to accomplish with a fresh start and, I hope, a few more dollars in the piggy bank than you had back then?  I guarantee your resolutions would not have been obligatory or based on your doctor’s recommendations.  What do I mean by that?  I mean grown-up resolutions are a bore; they read like something a nagging parent or supervisor would jam down one’s throat:

  • Eat more vegetables
  • Go to the gym
  • Read the newspaper
  • Count calories
  • Read more self improvement books
  • Watch less TV
  • Earn a professional certification

Sure, these are worthy resolutions that earn you brownie points with your doctor or boss or financial planner but they’re no fun.  None of them will awaken your enthusiasm or make you whoop with joy upon the first taste of success. 

This year, set your sights on something that..  A) seems to you like a fun adventure, B) scares you, and C) is unrelated to anything you’ve done before. 

Why am I recommending such imprudent guidance?  Because over the years I’ve occasionally ventured to those eyebrow-raising edges and in every instance it’s rewarded me in more ways than my responsible, adult brain predicted.

In my 20’s I learned to fly airplanes.
In my 30’s I learned to swim competitively.
In my 40’s I learned to sail.
And now, on the cusp of decade #5, I’m learning to telemark ski. 

Last weekend I once again felt those nervous butterflies as for the first time I strapped on a pair of “free heel” skis, clambered over to a very patient instructor, and sprawled onto the bunny slope like Bambi on a frozen pond.  As the lesson began I kept asking myself, “What the heck are you doing?  This is hard.  You look like a fool.  You’re gonna break your leg.”  A few hours later I still looked like a middle-aged Bambi but I was laughing out loud as every jaunt down the bunny slope became a little more manageable.

That was yesterday.  Today, my body is sore in ways it hasn’t been for years but I’m as giddy about the next telemark outing as you and I were following the first time we rode a bicycle.

These seemingly self-serving, unprofessional pursuits have benefited me in ways that doctor and financial planner recommendations never could.  Through flying and sailing lessons I learned to stay calm under pressure and trust instrumentation over my gut.  With swimming I discovered a form of meditation and exercise that snaps me into focus in totally different ways.  And telemark skiing?  The verdict is still out but I already have smiles, laughs, and a new group of friends that never would have crossed my radar.

Let’s face it, the last couple years have been rough.  This pandemic has snuffed sparks within us all, and the last thing we need this New Year is another set of stodgy, uninspiring obligations, er, resolutions that are no fun to pursue and likely to fail, anyway.  In its place, join me on a frivolous, semi-risky journey into learning a new skill that excites you to consider, challenges your comfort zone, flexes your mental and physical muscles, and brings a smile to your face.

See you on the bunny hill.

Holiday Valley, NY’s All-Star Telemark Ski Instructor Mary Gibbs. Thank you, Mary!

MAGA Hat vs. Biden Bumper Sticker vs. American Flag – What’s the Difference?

4th Fireworks!  How were yours?

This year our family enjoyed them from Raystown Lake, a hidden gem in Central PA where we keep a small boat.  Leading up to the spectacle I mentioned to my three teenage daughters and their friends that I’d like to mount an American flag to the boat’s rail.  Let’s fly those stars and stripes as we glide across the water, right?  The reaction to my flag comments, though, shocked me…

“Dad, Are you sure you want to send that kind of message?”
“Wow, Mr. Lawrence, didn’t realize you were that extreme in your politics.”

Excuse me?

Prodding further I learned from The Demographic That Continues to Baffle Me (i.e. teenagers) that in their minds, brandishing an American flag, unless one’s an Olympic athlete or active duty military, means:

  • You’re conservative,
  • You love guns,
  • You listen to Country Music,
  • You’re a Trumpster.

Now, I may or may not be any of those things and I’m not writing this blog to advocate one way or the other but hearing a reasonably educated group of our country’s future leaders describe the flag in such polarizing terms shocked me.  What do you think of our nation’s symbol serving as a political statement? 

I’m beginning to wonder if We the People have taken the flag too far.  Have we reached a point where in order to prove our patriotism we need to adorn ourselves with red, white, and blue pins, hats, stickers, t-shirts, and patches that were probably made in China?  Even worse, have today’s teenagers and tomorrow’s leaders pigeon-holed this universal symbol to be affiliated with only a fraction of the American fabric? 

Call me crazy but if the American flag becomes to one political party what an individual team jersey is to one NFL fan, we’re screwed.  It’s fine to root against the other team on the football field; it’s a disaster if we Americans root against one another on the geopolitical one.

Wanna wear your Biden pin?  Your MAGA hat?  Outstanding!  But please understand that your fan club paraphernalia says, “I support X person/opinion/party.”  Add an American flag to your ensemble, however, and – at least in my opinion – you’re adding something else to your story.  The flag declares, “Not only do I stand for my views but I also respect yours.  No matter your political affiliation I will defend your right to express it.”


I wonder to what extent our fellow citizens see that distinction?  Increasingly, it seems the lines are blurring between party paraphernalia and national symbolism.  How did we get here?

Time Magazine published an interesting article about the rise of U.S. flag trinkets and outlines this trajectory:

  • Until the Civil War, one would find the U.S. flag almost exclusively at government buildings and military stations,
  • Stars and Stripes “wearables” weren’t a thing until the 1950’s,
  • The first president to sport a flag lapel pin was Richard Nixon.

In other words, George Washington, arguably the most badass American hero of them all, never placed a red, white, and blue lawn ornament at Mount Vernon, The Greatest Generation, while whipping the Nazis and saving the free world, did not vinyl wrap their cars in screaming eagle emblems, and the first politician to rock the lapel pin got kicked out of The White House.

My point is some of our nation’s greatest heroes never flaunted the flag and some of its most disgraced figures did.

As for me, I’m moving forward with my boat flag – who doesn’t feel especially free and grateful when enjoying a beautiful day on the water? – and crossing my fingers that my daughters, their friends, today’s and tomorrow’s leaders, and you, kind reader, remember that America’s #1 symbol represents us all.  Fly, wear, and decorate your flag as a token to the diversity and ingenuity one finds only in this messy, beautiful, fumbling, young, ingenious republic. 

Horses, Food, and Fire: A Cure to COVID Blues?

My dad likes to remind my brother and me, “This isn’t the first holiday season your mom and I have been away from family, it’s our third!”  And while that may be true, the first two times were a half century ago when my parents joined the Peace Corps, shipped off to Venezuela, and if the old photos are any indication, spent two years building latrines.  My point is that while a family separation may have felt like an adventure back then, I doubt they’re as enthused today about living as quarantined shut-ins in snow-buried Western NY State.

We wanted to celebrate the holidays with our parents/grandparents but did not want to put them or others at risk.  Sitting around our dining room table, my wife, Jessica, our daughters, and I kicked around a few ideas that you might have also considered:

  1. Drive by their house while honking the horn and waving through the window? 
    Nah, my dad probably wouldn’t hear the horn and my mom would chase us down the road with a tray of cookies.

  2. Christmas morning Zoom session?
    Ugh.  One more webcast and we’ll lose our minds.

  3. Last-minute COVID tests for everyone in the family?
    Not only uncomfortable but complicated and self serving.  It doesn’t seem right to elbow our way into a testing center at a time others genuinely need rapid results.

But wait…  What if we ditched the traditional gift exchange, redirected that money into some kind of outdoor experience, and pulled off a celebration that conformed with every safety protocol?

With that question in mind we made a couple phone calls, the first to a small restaurant near my parents’ house that’s connected to a public golf course.
“Hello,” we began, “Could we host a small outdoor event on your snow-covered golf course, complete with online food orders and – ahem – a big bonfire?”
“Absolutely!” came the enthusiastic reply.

The next call was to Crackerjack Farms, another local business that specializes in horse-drawn carriage rides, and their response was equally accommodating.  “In a non-COVID year, you’d be out of luck this close to the holidays,” said the owner.  “But this year?  We’re wide open.  In fact, while we typically log over forty events a year, this year we’ve logged only four.  And these horses still need to eat!”

And there we had it.  Two phone calls and we’d landed:

  • A catered event,
  • A raging bonfire,
  • A horse-drawn carriage, and my favorite of all,
  • A holiday season free of gift wrapping.

My brother and his family agreed to set up the site, staking out the bonfire area with roped off, socially distanced sections for each family unit.  And he threw in eight feet long marshmallow roasting sticks with which, miraculously, none of the kids poked an eye out.

The kids went to work adorning the horse carriage with all sorts of holiday paraphernalia.

Jim, the horse carriage driver, cued up Christmas music on his massive Bluetooth speaker. 

And my unsuspecting parents, expecting to pass the season in quiet quarantine, were surprised with a knock on the door, the sight of two massive draft horses in their driveway, and a ride straight to a golf course bonfire where their cheering family welcomed them – behind masks and from a distance, of course.

Since this was Western NY State where the wind whips and the mercury drops, our gala lasted only an hour or two but the stories and memories live on.

Takeaways:

  1. What service businesses in your town, whether restaurants or horse carriages or singing telegrams or jugglers, could use a little holiday cheer? (meaning cash) 
    Whether it’s a circus act at the bottom of a lonely neighbor’s driveway or a takeout meal for a busy postal worker, find ways to engage your town’s small businesses at a time they need the help.

  2. Which will you reflect upon more fondly, a material object or an experience?
    If you have kids, for example, will they enjoy more a plastic Made in China horse from Wal-Mart or a real-life horse ride?  Will your teenagers appreciate more new iPhones or a catered outdoor event for their extended family?  (Don’t answer that, just go with the catered outdoor event.)

  3. COVID is a flu that attacks the human body but it does not attack the human spirit.
    What can you do, at a time you may feel stuck in Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day, to brighten someone’s day in a safe, creative way?

As for my parents, I think they enjoyed this Christmas party at least as much as they enjoyed building latrines in Venezuela, and the rest of our family enjoyed the rush of pulling off a celebration during which neither the bonfire nor the virus had any chance to spread.

Happy New Year to you as well, kind reader.  Here’s to a ’21 filled with health and good cheer!

Sharper Than Google, Wiser Than I

It started with a YouTube video.  This one, in fact, which for whatever reason drew me in like a moth to a flame.  It looked so fun, so satisfying to take a small block of wood, pare it down on a lathe, and presto! – out pops a beautiful wooden ring as unique as a snowflake.  I eagerly bought the necessary tools and followed the video’s instructions to a T, so why was I failing?

In my basement with lathe whirling and sawdust flying I’d carefully do exactly as instructed and bam!  At some point the ring block would shatter.  Bits of wood flying everywhere and my colorful expletives right on their heels.  I tried different tools, different lathe speeds, and different angles but suffered the same frustrating result.

“Damn it!” I said to myself.  “I really want to learn how to do this but I’m stuck.” 
And given my impatient nature I knew I had to figure this out soon or this endeavor was going nowhere.

When you’re stuck on a problem, where do you turn?  I tried the same avenues you might: Google, YouTube, even called a couple vendors who make woodturning tools but as you may find when turning to the internet or customer service lines, the responses were confusing and of little help.  So I went to the one resource often overlooked but usually full of answers: old guys.

In this case, Fred Hill, a retired (yet vibrant!) professor who’s been perfecting his woodworking skills longer than I’ve been tying my own shoes.  Fred has three valuable traits that you and I may not have yet earned: wisdom, experience, and patience.

Fred and I met last weekend in his woodshop, where we embarked on a quest to make the wooden rings that had alluded me.  And while we blocked several hours for this lesson, within five minutes Fred discovered the root cause of my angst.

“Needs sharpening.”
“Excuse me?” I replied.
“Your tool.  It’s dull.  Needs sharpening,” he repeated.
“C’mon, Fred, these are brand new tools.  The tools are fine.”

Fred, without saying another word, approached me, gently pulled the tool from my hand, and spent sixty seconds honing its edge on his grinding wheel.  And from that moment forward, Fred and I cranked out the most beautiful rings you’ve ever seen.

You see, it wasn’t about the best tools or the strongest grip or the highest quality materials; the secret lay in how sharp the tool was.  Even the slightest flaw on that cutting edge and the rings were sure to shatter.  And for some strange reason neither the internet nor the tool vendor nor I, the impatient rookie, had called out this most obvious flaw.

How often do we set our tools to our work – our nose to the grindstone, if you will – without first ensuring our blades are as sharp as they need to be?  Like me, how often do you give a presentation or hammer out emails or make a sales call without the slightest consideration for the style you’re using or the grammar you’re employing?  Or muddle through the same old workout with sloppy form?

Next time you’re falling short of the result you desire, think of my new friend Fred.  Would he, or his senior counterpart who’s spent a lifetime mastering the discipline you’re pursuing, take one look at your flailing attempt and declare, “Needs sharpening”?  Just a little extra time sharpening our tools might be all it takes to transform failure into fulfillment.

Abe Lincoln said it best:  “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”

Final note:
My time with Fred reminded me that in this COVID era we’re losing our most seasoned mentors at an alarming rate, including my stepfather-in-law, a military pilot and prolific storyteller who survived getting shot down in Vietnam and a fight with cancer but couldn’t overcome this blasted virus.  Every time we lose a senior who’s still got lots to give, which is just about every one of ‘em, we lose a pool of wisdom and insight that’s yet to be fully tapped by those of us who need them. 

Where in your life are you not getting the results you want?  Beyond the fitful, muddled world of Google, how much effort have you made to meet the real-world senior expert in your community who could guide you to success?  Seek them out.  Befriend them.  Thank them for sharing their guidance.  And for God’s sake wear a mask.

Fred Hill working his magic with a sharp tool.
Thank you, Fred!
Fruits of labor

College Gap Year or Something Better?

Where did you learn the most in college – in the classroom or outside of it?  Which parts of the college experience stuck with you the most? 

For me and most others I ask, most of college’s education and memories happened outside the classroom.  Sure, there were flashes of enlightenment in some classrooms (Ithaca College’s finest, Marty Brownstein, You’re still the best!) but the vast majority of the life skills I gleaned sprang from late night parties, unusual roommates, and the countless mistakes I made trying to figure out life beyond my parents’ house.  And though I left college twenty five years ago, living in a college town has afforded me the insight to see the same basic college experience exists today.  Or at least it did until COVID showed up.

Now we’re seeing the college experience turned on its head, which is unfortunate timing for my daughter, Madeline, and the other high school class of ’20 grads embarking on the college journey amidst a fog of uncertainty.

For the last few months, Madeline, her mom/my wife, Jessica, and I have been jumping on periodic Zoom calls with her chosen college’s admissions office to stay abreast of their fall semester plans.  Funny, I haven’t been sold so hard since Jessica and I attended a vacation property timeshare pitch.  “We’ll keep your child safe!”  “Our professors are ready for anything!”

The implied message: “Please don’t bail on us.  We need your money.”  And with the price of college having skyrocketed at double the inflation rate since I was a student, the money colleges seek from my pocket and my daughter’s loans is significant.

Boil all those Zoom calls down and here’s what Madeline and other incoming students face:

  • Limited social activities,
  • Abbreviated orientation,
  • No roommates,
  • Limited dining hall access,
  • Shortened semester,
  • Minimum 50% classes online,
    …and the kicker…
  • No discount.

Add it all up and we envision Madeline and her classmates sitting in lonely dorm rooms eating prepackaged dining halls food and watching grainy videos of classroom professors trying to navigate a digital interface.

Which begs the question, is this a good investment?  Will Madeline and her peers gain as much value from this pared down offering?  For Madeline, the answer is no.  She’s opted for a gap year but even that is challenging given the typical 18 year old’s urgency to live independently in the thick of travel restrictions.

Yet opportunity lies within every challenge, so Madeline is planning an unusual path that (perhaps?) sets a new precedent for recent high school grads.  How does this sound to you?

  • Our family has saved some money for Madeline to earn a four year college degree but not enough to support four years of college and a gap year.
  • For the Fall ’20-Spring ’21 school year, Madeline will take online college courses with an accredited school that specializes in online delivery (Southern New Hampshire?  Strayer?  Many from which to choose)
  • During this period, the money that would’ve covered college room and board she’ll instead use to rent a small apartment in whichever geographic area she chooses.
  • After a two week quarantine, she’ll explore that area while working a part-time job.
  • She and at least one of her high school class of ’20 friends on a similar track will room together.
  • Provided the “normal” college experience returns next year she’ll transfer her credits over and enter a sophomore OR if she likes the online/travel approach, she can continue for all four years, bouncing semester to semester or year to year to anywhere on Planet Earth she’d like (and her mom approves, of course😊)

The most surprising part of the plan:  Even if Madeline earns her bachelor’s degree via an online platform while traveling the world for four straight years, the experience will cost less than the ‘traditional” college experience she’d been planning.

So, kind reader, which path would you choose for yourself or for your Class of ’20 high school grad?  Which experience offers the best education and life skills – four years planted at one school or four years roaming from place to place?

If there’s a silver lining to this COVID crisis, perhaps it’s the chance we all have to press the reset button.  A moment to step back and ask, “Am I on the right path?  Is there a better way to do this?”

No question our family would be more settled seeing Madeline glide into the college experience we envisioned but perhaps her journey, like yours and mine, will prove most exciting when we step off the beaten path and take the path less traveled.



Congrats, Madeline and the high school Class of 2020! You are blazing new trails.

Coronavirus: A Note to America’s Industrial Workers

If you’re an American Industrial worker, you’re likely facing more pressure this week than ever. You’re hearing, “Speed up production.  Deliver on time.  Avoid downtime.  Step up your pace, do it quickly, and don’t make any mistakes.” 
Whether you manufacture tissue products, cleaning agents, food, pharmaceuticals, or one of several other products, you’ve gotta crank up the pace amidst extreme expectations to reach record production levels.  Same goes for utilities, power generation, and other key industrial functions that cannot afford to shut down for a two week quarantine hiatus.
This is no time for the meek, and you are not the meek.

I’m writing you with three requests:

  1.  Be safe.
    In the heat of the moment we all tend to move faster and more recklessly.  Please fight that urge!  You are at your best when you’re careful, thoughtful, and deliberate.  Everyone is cheering for you to pull through this production frenzy in one piece.

  2. Ask for help.
    You may not realize it but your friends, family, neighbors, and community appreciate the extra hours and burden you’re taking on.  Can we cut your grass?  Walk your dogs?  Pick up groceries?  FaceTime a few jokes?
    You’re doing more than your share.  Let others pitch in, too.  Heck, your community is full right now of derelict kids on extended school breaks and parents desperate to put them to work.  Don’t be shy, ask your neighbors to pitch in.

  3. Contact my company or me.
    Like you, your plant’s machinery is stressed, working overtime, and more prone to breakdowns.  You don’t have the time right now to monitor the health of your critical machines, but KCF does.
    To be clear, this is not a solicitation to buy anything.  Rather, this is our company’s genuine offer to ship key American Industrial sites, at no cost, the sensors and remote monitoring services that’ll keep your critical assets running and put our American communities in the best position to beat back Coronavirus
    KCF Tech’s website will post more details shortly but bottom line:  KCF has the capacity to help and this is how we’re choosing to do so.  Whether you need our help for 6 days 6 weeks, contact me and we’ll immediately get to work.

Your work has always been important and it’s even more so now.  American Industry has stepped up in the past and we’re honored to support your efforts to transform this crisis into a shining example of American might.

A nice reminder that your production superpowers run deeper than you might imagine:
 “In 1944, each American airplane factory worker more than doubled the output of his/her German counterpart and quadrupled the output of his/her Japanese counterpart, and American industry was moving a war plane on the runway every five minutes.”  (https://www.commonlit.org/en/texts/how-american-industry-won-world-war-ii )

Our parents, grandparents, and community elders set the precedent.  Let’s roll up our sleeves and prove that American Industry is alive and well!

Your Teenage Daughter’s Birthday? Thank You, SMS!

10,000 repetitions.  That’s the number of times I’ve read is necessary to reach mastery.  Based on that calculation I should be a master twice over.  Yet this past Friday, Black Friday for you crazed shoppers, I was as nervous as if this were my first rep.  Was I practicing karate kicks?  Handstands?  Nope, I was on the precipice of making my 20,001st sales call (not scary) to an otherworldly being alien to me (scary).

25 years in sales has given me the opportunity to call on every audience imaginable: small business owners, Fortune 500 executives, Realtors, factory workers, engineers, government officials, auto dealers, homeowners…  But never the mysterious demographic on my target list last Friday – a Social Media Sensation (SMS).  Truth be told, the only reason I even know the term SMS is because I’ve heard my teenage daughters reference them.  Limited research tells me that in order to be an SMS one must: A) post unusual, emotional, or animated clips to the internet, B) possess no inhibitions, and C) have thousands of online followers, none of whom are old enough to drive.

What prompts a middle aged guy with no Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Tik Tok, or Instagram to call on an SMS?  Simple, his daughter’s birthday wish.

Jacqueline’s always been drawn to celebrity performers, be it Justin Bieber in her early years (she’ll kill me for this but check out her JB performance from 10 years ago) or Harry Styles in her adolescent years but heading into her 16th birthday she’s gone all in on Jack Novotny, a teenager building a strong online presence.  His thousands of followers span the globe but coincidentally, Jack lives in the same village in Western NY State as my parents.  How do we know?  Because while walking through town on Thanksgiving, Jacqueline exclaimed, “Eeeeek!  That’s Jack Novotny’s house!  I recognize it from his videos!”

Jacqueline is too thoughtful to storm Jack’s house, invade his privacy, and beg for a selfie but her dad?  Hmmmmm……

I wanted to approach Jack on the down-low but how does one with no social media accounts contact a social media star?  Email?  Please, we’re talking about someone under the age of 20.  Phone book?  Even more preposterous.

And so it was on Black Friday morning that I, a social media luddite, found himself standing alone on Jack’s porch, knocking on his door, and hoping the family isn’t a posse of Second Amendment fanatics.

Fortunately, Jack’s lovely mother approached the door unarmed and seemed as astonished as I that A) a social media sensation lived in her village, and B) that individual is her son.  Funny how this new wave of celebrity originates; without talent agents or PR firms or billboards, the last to appreciate a rising star are those closest to him.

On the same day as my house call and during Jacqueline’s 16th birthday party, Jack Novotny – and his curious mom, of course – made a house call of their own.  To Jacqueline’s shock, humiliation, and extreme delight, Jack marched into my parents’ house, presented Jacqueline with her birthday cake, and posed for pictures with our family.

Jack could not have been more gracious and his surprise visit lit up Jacqueline’s face more than an entire Walmart’s worth of birthday candles.  And of all the sales calls I’ve ever made, this one brought more satisfaction than any other.

*To Jack Novotny and his mother, thank you for generously sharing your time and attention.

*To my mom, Thank you for planting this idea in my head when you whispered the day before, “If I had Jack’s number I’d call him right now.”

*To every sales manager who’s coached me on how to knock on a stranger’s door and ask for something, thank you for teaching me the skills required to do it right.

*And to you, kind reader, a few takeaways that might earn you a big contract or a surprise celebrity encounter:

  • Even in today’s world, human, in-person calls trump digital communication. 
    Connect with the human, not the human’s digital interface.

  • When knocking on someone’s door, do not stare directly into the house.  That’s creepy. 
    Instead, keep your gaze to the side and keep your hands out of your pockets where the other person can see them.

  • Goes without saying but dress appropriately! 
    My gosh I still see salespeople and solicitors dressed like they just rolled outta bed, which is not inspiring anyone to answer your call.

  • In all things at all times: smile.
    Your expression drowns out your words.

  • When all else fails, ask their mother.
    Your prospect may have no interest in what you’re seeking but if Mom says it’s OK, the rest falls into place.

Sure, 20,000 sales calls boosted my confidence to make the 20,001st but please understand – You don’t need 20,000 sales calls under your belt to make the exciting happen, you just need to make the one that’s next in front of you.

Happy 16th, Jacqueline!  So proud of the young woman you’ve become and the challenges you throw my way.

Is This Why Your Farm or Business Is Failing?

Perhaps the small, rural town where I grew up claimed this as a joke more than a fact, but “fact” was Tunkhannock, PA had more cows than people.  Beautiful, quaint dairy farms scattered throughout the Endless Mountains wove a strong culture of hard work throughout the community.  As much as I appreciated those farms and the people work worked them, I must admit I hated the work itself.  Heck, one of the main reasons I went to college was to escape the prospect of having to work on one!  My brother, on the other hand, loved farm work so much he went on to earn a PhD from Penn State’s School of Agriculture.  But no matter where one ranks manure spreading on the fun scale, we can all agree that farming is part of what makes America America.

Today, however, the small, family-owned dairy farm is going the way of the Blockbuster Video Store.  Farm Aid reports that since 1970, more than 90% of U.S. dairy farms have closed shop.  In Wisconsin and Minnesota, dairy farms are now closing at a rate of two per week.  Why?

Follow the news and you’ll see blame cast at oversupply, poor government policies, a sweeping anti-dairy movement, even the Canadians’ crooked trade policies (really?).  But Jim Valent, a friend of mine whose family operates one of New York State’s most historic dairy farms, says it best.  “The majority of dairy farmers have a flawed business plan,” he explains.  “Their approach is, ‘We’ll make it and someone else will sell it.’”

For decades, American dairy farmers have tended to their farms, milked their cows, and then waited for a tractor trailer to swing by and haul their product of to…  well, who knows where.  Once that truck pulls out of the farmer’s driveway, Farmer Brown turns around and goes back to producing more milk.  The actual business of where the milk goes, into which products it’s added, even the price for which it’s sold at your grocery store is left to third party traders and government agencies.  And from there things get messy.  Suffice to say Farmer Brown and his dairy brethren are not thriving due to the selfless, savvy negotiations and policies that Uncle Sam & Co. have devised.

As I considered Jim Valent’s insight into the floundering dairy industry it struck me that so many other creative, hardworking people distance themselves from the sales process and therefore find themselves in a similar boat.  The artist who gives away 40% of her painting’s value to a dealer.  The coffee farmer who sells his crop for pennies on the dollar to a commodities trader.  Even that poor sap in Russia who invented the Rubik’s cube.  I understand that sales is a complicated, stressful business but leave that part of your livelihood to someone else and you’re riding in the back seat of someone else’s car.

Over the course of my professional life here are some of the ways my own employers have taken the “easy” path to sales and the outcomes of those journeys:

  • A software company that decided to scale back direct sales and replace that with channel partners, i.e. bigger software companies who promised to sell our product as a bolt-on to their own.  The result?  Sales plummeted more than 60%.
  • A training company that in lieu of selling direct turned sales over to a third party booking agency.  The result?  A big fat $0.
  • A tech company that in lieu of selling direct turned sales over to a network of outside distributors.  The result?  You guessed it, zilch.

Certainly there are exceptions.  I’m sure the genius who invented the Thighmaster managed to bank a little coin along with the infomercial company that promoted it.  But c’mon, do you really want to be the Thighmaster guy who has no choice but to sit back and pray that some infomercial company can sell your product for you?

The good news is for many there’s a way out of this low profit death spiral.  Back to Jim Valent: “Even at a time when dairy farms are dropping like flies, some are doing very well.  These farmers are selling direct.  Farm fresh cheese, yogurt, ice cream, and milk straight from their farm to their neighbors’ doors.”

Whether you’re a farmer bypassing the grocery store network or Elon Musk bypassing the car dealer network, the premise is the same.  Stop counting on someone else to sell what you worked so hard to produce.  Do you really think a third party agency will ever share your passion and conviction for the product you created?

Is there a beautiful family farm in your community?  Imagine that one day your local Farmer Brown knocks on your door and says, “I stopped by to see if you’d be interested in subscribing to our new farm-to-table service.  Not only will you save yourself a trip to the grocery store but you’ll save my family farm, which is currently on the brink of getting paved over to make room for an Ollie’s Discount Dollar Store.” 
Which do you prefer, kind reader, farm fresh products from your neighbor’s beautiful farm or the breathtaking view of a next-door Ollie’s?

For this direct sale model to work two things have to happen.  One, you need to say yes to Farmer Brown’s offer.  The other, which I believe is far more unlikely, is that Farmer Brown needs to step beyond his comfort zone – the boundaries of his farm – and come knock on your door.  And for many farmers, craftsmen, artists, researchers,  and engineers this is more terrifying than the prospect of giving away 30% to 50%+ of their earnings to a sales mercenary.

If your sales model depends upon resellers, dealers, retailers, or distributors to push your product, reflect for a moment upon what’s happening to America’s dairy farms.  What risks do you, like these farms, face by distancing yourself from your product’s end users?  If you were to form a strong relationship with your end users and net higher profit margins from every unit you produce, how would that benefit you?  Other than fear of rejection, what’s holding you back from, just like Farmer Brown, crossing that scary border between your farm, workshop, studio, or factory and entering the real world where your customers are?

If you’re good at what you do, passionate about it, and convinced you can bring value to others, pick up the phone.  Knock on a few doors.  (Notice I did not say, “Build a website” or “post stuff on social media.”  Heck, I’m not even saying, “Set up a table at the trade show.”  Those passive efforts may support your direct sales efforts but you gotta get out there and grind down some shoe leather!  Dial the phone.  Canvas the town.  Knock on doors.)  You have more supporters out there than you realize.  We want to know you; we want to support you.  But we’re not going to step forward and speak with our wallets until you step outside the shadows of the broker or government agency on whom you’ve grown dependent.

Shark Attack? Oh, Please… You’re Already Interesting.

If you’ve ever pulled an all-nighter you know there’s no caffeine more powerful than the dawn of a new day.  Something about the sight of the rising sun triggers our body to jolt upright and reawaken.  Navy SEAL candidates write about this phenomenon and how it inspires them to push through Hell Week.  Years ago I sometimes felt this instinctual surge after all-night snow removal shifts.  And I can only imagine the euphoria my friend, Eric, must have experienced when he sensed that rising sun lifting him and carrying him home.

Eric’s all-nighter, however, had nothing to do with a military exercise or a marathon work shift.  It was the final chapter in a quest that only 63 people have ever accomplished, the Molokai Channel swim.  Listed among the World’s Most Difficult Ocean Swims (above the English Channel, by the way), this jaunt between a couple Hawaiian islands has a reputation for strong currents, water depths exceeding 2,000 feet, and “aggressive marine life”.  It spans 26 miles – if you swim in a perfectly straight line, that is – and per Swimming Federation rules, prohibits the use of wetsuits or any protective gear save a swimsuit, goggles, and swim cap.

Eric planned this swim for months.  On second thought, he’s been planning this swim for years.  Eric and I first met nearly 25 years ago, back when he was already an elite cyclist and triathlete and I was just getting into those sports.  Neither of us was an outstanding swimmer but over the years Eric, always the continuous improvement freak, was constantly seeking tips in the form of videos, books, and coaching programs that helped us both improve.  He became my friend and swim mentor and has remained so ever since.

Over the years I’ve watched Eric raise a family, lead a family business, maintain incredibly high fitness levels, and eventually leave me is his world class distance swimming wake.  While I remain happy swimming a couple miles at a time, Eric transformed into a marathon swimmer taking on Herculean events exceeding 20 miles, often in numbingly cold waters, without a wetsuit.  This dude is not your run of the mill weekend warrior; he’s a lifelong disciple to extreme health and fitness.

The Molokai swim was to be his capstone event, a challenge guaranteed to test his mettle and elevate his standing in the distance swimming community.  And boy, did it.  But not in the way he envisioned.

High seas delayed his start to the event.  Instead of beginning at dawn he and a swim partner, Steve Gruenwald, another world class swimmer, entered the channel around 7pm.  Translation: The first half to two thirds of their swim would be in the dark of night.  Bright lights attract predator fish so Eric and Steve embarked on this World’s Toughest Swim in the dark, in rough seas, guided only by a faint red light on their guide boat and a couple of glow sticks.  I don’t know about you but I’m already scratching my entry under those conditions.

Six hours into their swim, both Steve and Eric had been stung by man o’ wars (incredibly painful, by the way) and Steve pulled out from seasickness.  Eric kept chugging along.  In Eric’s words:
“Nine hours into the swim I sensed the sun was soon rising, which gave me an extra boost.  A wave of calm swept over me and I knew I was gonna finish this thing.”

Imagine!  Nine hours of swimming through rough seas, in the dark, stung by man o’ wars…  and his primary feelings are elation and calm.  No that’s preparation.

But as Mike Tyson likes to say, Eric’s lifetime of perfect planning and preparation took a punch to the face.  Well, not a punch to the face, exactly, but rather a shark attack to the gut.

You can read about the attack here.  In short, a cookie cutter shark ripped a four inch chunk out of his abdomen.  Eric got pulled from the swim, rushed to the hospital where he spent days in serious condition, and he now faces several weeks of surgery and recovery.

Since the attack Eric has been showered with encouragement.  The prevailing message he’s hearing from supporters?  “Now you gotta write a book and go on a speaking tour!”

I’m sure that positive encouragement comes from a good place but as I’ve told Eric, the idea that he’s earned the right to write a book or preach from a stage because of one random, shitty moment irks me.  Yes, Eric, please write a book and go on a speaking tour but do so based on your life’s experiences and extraordinary choices, not because a shark bit you.

Eric, perhaps like you, doesn’t see himself as exceptional.  Yet you can bet your last dollar he has a story worth sharing.  How over 30 years ago he embraced alternative training methods that are just now coming to light.  How he and his wife raised two exceptional sons who are now grown and forging their own paths.  How he’s maintained a health and fitness lifestyle his entire adult life – fueled by alternative medicine – that rivals Jack Lalanne’s.  How he’s successfully reeled a third generation business back from the brink of ruin and kept it growing.  How he’s instilled in others, me included, an appreciation for Kaizen that drives us to enjoy the struggle of continuous improvement.

The point for Eric and the rest of us: Don’t wait until some random, unfortunate event bites you in the ass (or stomach) to tell your story.  Granted, your fight back from that unfortunate event can shape your story but don’t wait for a rock falling on your head or a bus weaving into your path to serve as the catalyst for telling it.  Whether you’re a world class athlete or stay at home mom or struggling addict or starving artist or insurance salesman makes little difference.  You, like Eric, are already interesting and there are people in your life who want to know more about you.

How many of us wish our ancestors, friends, and mentors, especially those no longer with us, had documented their story?  Not in the form of superficial Facebook posts but rather in the form of a self effacing book, interview, or recordings.  Imagine for a moment you’re browsing your local bookstore, the shelves lined with all the best sellers, and suddenly you come across an old, dusty book written by your grandparent entitled, “My Life”.

Which of those books are you gonna buy?  No brainer, right?

What are the questions you wish you could go back and ask the people who’ve been most influential in your life?  How about:

  • What’s the life accomplishment of which you’re most proud?
  • Your biggest regret?
  • Your best family memories?
  • Your happiest memory?
  • Advice you’d offer the younger you?
  • The biggest setback you ever faced?
  • Your most exciting adventure?

You, like Eric, have a terrific story to tell and as much as answering that next email or posting that next selfie seems important, it isn’t.  Sharing your life story, on the other hand, is one of the most important and valued gifts you’ll ever create.

So yes, my good friend Eric, please tell us about your shark attack.  Challenge us to overcome obstacles, embrace hardship, and aim high.  But the next time someone encourages you to write a book or go on a speaking tour, please remember that long before you met a shark in Hawaii your story was already a best seller to the ones in your life who matter most.  Your body is healing; your story is forming; your sun is rising.

Be like Eric – LIVE your dream, CHASE a lofty goal, and most of all, SHARE your story.